Simple Man

Too often, society tries to dictate what it means to be a “real man.” They tell you what kind of job is manly, what kind of hobbies, who to love, etc. Those who do not fit their mold get outcast. They are scoffed at; called names. They are called sissy, fag and such. If you don’t fit in their mold, they dont know how to handle it. To them, different equates to bad.

Before us is a shameful epidemic as a result of bullying… Suicide. Young men and boys taking their own lives because someone else viewed them as different and made them pay for being who they are. Now, a mother is without that child because some ignorant fool did not know to accept someone’s individuality.

These external pressures play a role in one’s psyche. There are many and great internal struggles men face with regards to how they “fit” in society, ESP if it’s not the “norm.” What these individuals fail to realize and are blinded of because of stereotypes is just how beautiful they are. It’s their individuality that makes them special; makes them unique – makes them, THEM! Brave is he who stands in the face of intolerance and says, I’m me. I’m amazing. I love me and I’m not changing just because you think I should.

Sadly, not enough of these beautiful spirits feel good enough about themselves to realize it. Often, they feel like a burden or feel so helpless, without a voice or anywhere to turn so they resort to self inflicted pain in the form of self mutilation or even the extreme – suicide.

The song, Simple Man, speaks to whats important. It speaks to the heart of a man. Here are some of the lyrics:

Forget your lust for the rich man’s gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won’t you do this for me son if you can? Oh yes, I will

Boy, don’t you worry you’ll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied

The song strikes a strong cord with me due to my son being special needs and the challenges he faces daily and what he may face in the future. My inspiration for a series can come from a number of things – a topic, a title may come to me and sometimes, music. I have always loved this song and knew I wanted to do something with it or inspired by it for my son. I have also wanted to do a series against intolerance. That is what this series, Simple Man, is.

This series will tell the struggles of a male to just exist and follow their chosen path and the ensuing obstacles they will face by just being who they are. Simple Man will push past the issues of intolerance and hatred, bullying and ignorance and delves into ones own inner battles and exploration in the quest for identity.

Here is probably my favorite version of the song. I love it acoustic and in this setting. I feel it brings an honesty to it and more emotion.

Send the Elevator Back Down…

During a speech at Arts Advocacy Day last year, actor Kevin Spacey quoted his mentor, actor Jack Lemmon by saying, “If you’re lucky enough to have done well, then it’s your responsibility to send the elevator back down.”

This is a mindset that I maintain in all facets of my life. I am truly blessed and fortunate to have the rewarding and bustling career that I do, especially in such a short period of time. I know that I alone did not accomplish this. There are MANY people who have come in to my life that have helped push me and my art, my work, who have helped me create bridges, connect the dots and make MANY inroads to get to where I am today.

I am not even five years into my career and I have already traveled internationally, been published in 4 different countries (just in the last year), and worked with dancers from some of the largest most reputable, storied ballet companies in the world. Just this August I had the opportunity to photograph Mariinsky Ballet in the Royal Opera House in London. This, in just under 5 years. To say my career is charmed in an understatement. But, I know I had help and I can likely tell you every person who has come into my life and what their experience did for my career. It is because of this charm; this goodwill that was bestowed upon me, that makes me want to give back, pay it forward, to send the elevator back down.

Spacey goes on to say, “Countries may go to war, but its the arts that unite us. It educates us, it teaches us to be better.”

During the Second World War, Winston Churchill’s finance minister said Britain should cut arts funding to support the war effort. Churchill’s response: “Then what are we fighting for?”

The arts are so vital to our community, to our culture. The arts help build character, they help build, promote and foster confidence and self esteem. They allow for self expression. They unite people. They transcend race and religion. It is PARAMOUNT that all peoples, regardless of abilities, have access to the arts. This is why I create the programs I do.

Folks, we need your help if you can offer it. we are looking for 10 used digital cameras. They can be point and shoot, they can be ay brand. I am working on a program, the details of which will be revealed later. If you have one that you can let go of, please do let us know!

I do realize this is a lofty request and I ask it in the most humblest manner. Your consideration is immensely appreciated!

Advocating Fathers Casting Call

Ok gang… As those of you who know me and/or follow my work, you know how important my role as a father is to me. It is one I cherish and embrace fully. I feel so lucky to have the family I do and do my best to make sure I do not take them for granted.

Some of you may or may not know that I am the primary caretaker of my two children. My wife works full time so I can have the career I do. So, I must juggle my duties as father and photographer. I will not sit here and lie to you. It can be frustrating managing my career and kids, especially with all of the meetings, appointments and schedules for my son and his needs. Quite often, I feel like a failure in regards to the juggling act, but I do my best and hope my kids don’t hate me when they grow up.

Anyway, getting back on track here… I am working on a virtual series paying homage to those fathers who are involved in their special needs child’s life. It takes a strong man, a real man, to accept his child has special needs. It is not always easy to embrace. As a male, it is not always easy to let go of our ideals of what kind of relationship we want to have with our sons or the dreams we have for them and our relationship with them. It is not always easy to accept that we may have to change our dreams; that we may have to create new ones that may not be on the level that we had hoped. The inevitable is that we must. We must be flexible so as to be an active participant in our children’s lives. THIS is what separates the real men from the pack.

I want to create a virtual homage to those REAL men who accept their special needs child’s reality and embrace it; who do all they can to help their child live the fullest life possible and know love. So, I am asking all of you out there to share this with those who you think would be interested and “fit the bill.”

To be considered, you must:

1. be active in your special needs child’s life – really champion them and their progress.
2. be available to come to my studio in Phoenixville for a professional portrait session with your special need child
3. be willing to have your images posted online and take a little bit of credit for what you do. I know this is also not easy for a lot guys. We dont want credit for doing just what we are supposed to be doing. But hopefully this will inspire more to do it!
4. submit a photo of the dad and his special kiddo and a story about how dad is the kiddo’s biggest fan! You will NOT be judged on grammar or photo skills, nor does dad have to had saved the world single handedly.

** photos and stories should be submitted to brian@bmengini.com – Please put advocating father in the subject!

** submissions must be received by February 6th.

** sessions will be scheduled throughout February-April.

Again, the intent of this series is to celebrate those fathers who champion their children. Those who do, need to get more “press.” They need to get more visible recognition!

Fathers Advocating

Malachi 4:6
“6 And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, And the hearts of the children to their fathers, Lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.”

Most times, when you think of advocates in the home, you think of mom. This is no slight to dad. Often times it is mom who is the chief care giver and subsequently is at the forefront of the campaigns. This is NOT to say that dad is not supportive. Obviously they are very supportive but typically dad has a full time job.

Special is he, though, who regardless of his occupation, is right there at the forefront advocating and fighting for his child and those like him. Since my son’s diagnosis I’ve made sure to be extremely hands on and at the forefront of his journey. Now, with being self employed, I have even greater flexibility to not only advocate and champion for him but for others as well. I’m also fortunate that through my career and the advocacy work I’ve done, I’ve raised my public profile and therefore able to accomplish more for the greater good. I’ve always felt that if you have a voice or a gift, you have a responsibility to use it to help others.

As fathers, we have a special role in the lives of our children. It is paramount that as men, we step up and take on that role. We must embrace it! If your child may be going through something whether they are special needs, ill or maybe being bullied due to ignorance or intolerance,your role and moreso your presence is more important than ever!

As fathers, we need to not only foster a loving supportive and nurturing environment for our children but they need to know, they need to SEE, that we are right there fighting with and for them every step of the way. They need to experience and know a father’s love and support.

Now, having said all that, I know there are tons of men out there advocating for their children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, etc. I am friends with a bunch of men who are at the forefront of their kids progress! However, I don’t think enough of it is visible. I feel more people need to know just how many dads are proactive and involved. You don’t need to have started a foundation or organization to be an advocate. You just need to be actively involved in your child’s cause as it were.

I am going to be working on a project to help shed light on those who are fighting the good fight and perhaps a “call to arms” for others! So, let me hear about that advocating dad in your life! Please note, this is NOT a competition to see who can do the most good. Nor is it intended to make any fathers feel less then adequate. You don’t have to have created a pill to “cure” Autism, you can simply be the one who takes your child to therapy and appointments. You just have to be involved. Share your stories please. I will do nothing with the info but read it. Also, let me know where you are from! Lastly, please share!!! Do not keep this to yourself. Pass this along.